Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
