How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
