I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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