my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
