I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
