Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
