i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
