I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My feet surprised me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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