i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
