Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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