I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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