There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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