It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
