You're completely useless in the revolution.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
