Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
