I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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