Will you blow on my dice?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
