# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize