suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
