Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
