I'm lost and stupid without you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
