we're blogging at a bar
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
