You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
