I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
actually, I'm a sock model
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
