i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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