There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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