my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
