I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
