Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
