you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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