I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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