So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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