FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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