i wish my penis had a tongue
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
