DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
