I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
