apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
