dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
