Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i think my cat just said my name.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
