She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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