just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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