I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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