nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
