I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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