whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
