you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
