Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
