I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
