cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
