Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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