My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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