I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
