I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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