ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
