he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
