I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
