someone get that fucking seahorse.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
