What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
