and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
