We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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